


Murder or Lies? Choose One

by msruchita



Series: First of Many [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Artist Bucky Barnes, Jealous Loki (Marvel), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 15:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17286434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msruchita/pseuds/msruchita
Summary: Can Loki finally see his feelings for the White Wolf? Seems like big brother Thor will have to take the reins on this.





	Murder or Lies? Choose One

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is before Root of the Problem, and can also be read as a stand alone. I edited this very heavily, so apologies to whoever read the first draft. I just felt there was something off so I revised quite a bit of it. All mistakes are on me, and I think this one got away from me slightly. All feedback is appreciated, I really love learning from my mistakes. I hope you enjoy this!

He’d watched chocolate locks from since he was tried and labeled a war criminal. Steve, together with the support of Sam, had appealed to the higher-ups to the point that they finally pardoned him just so they wouldn’t have to see Captain America posting anew video about how disappointing the law could be with Sam struggling to keep in his sniggers. It had gained so many views in just one week, they had no choice but to bow down to the public’s opinion.

Loki hadn’t been very surprised; everyone loved Steve Rogers and for what he and his shield stood for. The verdict on Bucky however, was a constant debate where even he had been asked once on his thoughts, till the reporter recognised him and ran away. What surprised him was his instant, rather annoying attraction to the man’s searing gaze that could stop you in your tracks; and there was his physique that caused his mouth to water each time those broad shoulders and infamous thick thighs came into sight.

At first, he had grumbled and complained about it to no end as to how much time Bucky spent, just shut up in the room Stark had rather graciously given him. ‘What is the point of him being on the team, if he is not even part of the team?’

More than anything, he wanted to get under the stoic soldier’s skin like he had done to him. What was worse was that Bucky had absolutely no idea that Loki even existed, and this mere thought threw him off worse than when the Hulk had thrown him into a wall. His vertebrae twinged slightly as he winced at the memory.

Pumping his fist into the air as he settled into a power stance, he vowed to whichever higher entity, power, whatever who should be listening. ’He will be mine; just him, only him. This is my pledge you!’

A cough turned guffaw suddenly had his head jerking to the side as he looked straight at Banner who was doing a fair attempt at keeping his giggles in while Thor outrightly doubled over, continuing to laugh uproariously.

Muttering a few intelligible Norse curses, he stalked away, swirling his cape around him dramatically. 

‘Never fails to entertain, does he?’ Bruce commented watching the cape billow from behind him as he looked at Thor only to see him sporting a shit-eating grin. Knowing that look anywhere after battling him in Sakaar, he shook his head.

‘Thor, whatever it is you’re thinking, I’m out. There is no way I will be part of this-‘

Thor shushed him, cutting off the rest of his denial. ‘Hush, my dear friend. Do you not see what troubles my brother?’

‘You mean other than being stuck among us dull creatures?’ He commented dryly, remembering all too well what he had said to him the first time he slammed him into a wall as the hulk.

However, the older god just stared at the space Loki had currently occupied, as Bucky suddenly stepped into the very spot Loki had pledged his vow, and quirked a brow at the two of them and their expressions. Self-consciously, he ran a hand through his hair. ‘Is something wrong?’

Shaking their heads together, Thor just grinned at Bucky, as the light went on and he dragged a protesting Bruce away, waving at rather confused super soldier.

***

‘Banner, I have a very important task for you. As my dear brother is feeling but not understanding the matters of his own heart. Loki, has to envy you. I would like you to court Sergeant Barnes!’

Announcing his proposal, he continued downing his large pint of beer as Bruce just stared at him, completely dumbstruck. ‘What?! Court…? Envy? Thor, seriously, no. Find someone else. Hell, I even Tony or Steve would be a better option. You want me to me the drama queen jealous, please. Besides he would see right through it. Thor, please no…’ Blabbing away every reason why this was a bad idea, he implored Thor to see reason.

Clapping a hand on his back, wincing as he felt it reverberate through his spine, Thor just shook his head and smile. ‘Bruce, I would only bestow this honour on a trusted friend; and while Stark and Steve are acceptable choices, you are the one I choose. Please, help my brother understand his heart.’

Sighing heavily, he nodded, and so Thor began his detailed plan. 

***

It wasn’t exactly a secret that as intense and scary as the Winter Soldier had been portrayed by the media; Bucky Barnes was probably one of the softest, most caring people you would ever encounter. Not very good with words, he spent a lot of time sketching what drew his attention, what he was feeling, and so on. In fact, after receiving a ton of sketchbooks from Steve as a welcome back present, it wasn’t uncommon to suddenly find a sketch of his lying around or to find him seated in a corner somewhere sketching.

Watching Bucky sketch and draw out his emotions and what he thought was the beauty of the world; had very quickly turned into an obsession for Loki. He would spend hours staring at him, making sure to always suddenly run into him late at night, even to memorise his schedule just to catch a glimpse of him at the gym.

Well aware of the nightmares that plagued him and the anxiety that he battled with on a daily basis, he understood Bucky’s need to have some sort of strict regime so that he could be of some use to the team. He had come across a crumpled drawing once where it depicted all the Avengers including himself laughing and hugging him; but there was a sadness in his eyes. Almost where he felt like a burden even when he was surrounded by those who loved and cared about him.

It had always angered him whenever he heard the screams at night echoing from his room; and he would helplessly listen till he could bear it no longer and quietly use his magic to send a calming spell towards his room; just enough till the screams stopped and the sobs would quieten till fell asleep. Then only, would Loki allow himself the luxury of sleep.

The plan had been to wake up and causally walk past the gym just so he could enjoy the opportunity to ogle at him. However, the plan slightly backfired when he found out Bucky had joined Steve on his early morning runs outside the Avengers compound. and Loki was extremely irritable. Used to waking up leisurely in his own time; he had been forced to wake up at the crack of dawn for the past four months just so he could be able to run into the super soldier during these runs. 

The only solace in these torture sessions he inflicted on himself was that Bucky wore tight shirts and running pants that left nothing to imagination. They showed off his well muscled body, each muscle movement highlighted underneath the thin cloth.

At first, Steve had been extremely hostile and a little overprotective whenever he came close, glaring at Loki and making sure to egg Bucky to race him so that there was always a distance between them. Loki would at first snarl at him; but after looking at the view of Bucky’s perfect bubble butt, he enjoyed the view as he ran behind them. The past few days, it seemed almost like they now waited for him to appear.

Though Loki was never sure if Bucky wanted to punch him or tackle him to the ground for something more enticing. He knew which option he preferred even if he kept a stoic expression on, he didn’t miss the almost pained groan that left his lips when he joined in, probably owing to the fact that he was similarly dressed like the two soldiers. 

‘Does he have to look so good?’ Bucky muttered under his breath, trying his best to not admire the god’s lean muscles and his rather impressive abdominals. Steve only grinned at him, as they took off.

***

‘Damn, I just remembered that there’s this briefing Sam wanted me to be at. You guys continue on, I’ll just head off before I’m late,’ Steve lied, one of his hands coming behind his back so that he could cross his fingers, the three of them slowing to a walk. Clapping a hand on Bucky’s back and nodding once at Loki, he took off immediately, barely giving Bucky a chance to speak. 

‘Wait, Steve, uhh, okay… He’s usually not like this but I guess he really forgot. You still wanna continue running, or call it a day?’ The last part came out slightly hesitantly, like healmost expected Loki to just say no and storm off.

‘No! Hem, hem, I mean…’ Loki blurted out and then nervously cleared his throat. ‘We can continue running.’ He finished rather lamely, offering him a small smile as he returned one back. They continued running till sweat was pouring down their faces, and Bucky stopped to grab a bottle of water from his bag, throwing one to Loki who came up behind him, drooling slightly at the sweat soaked pants that clung to him like second skin, highlighting the curve of his butt.

‘Thank you. It seems like today will be a rather warm day.’

Nodding in agreement, they quietly sipped the water. ‘Loki, may I ask you for a favour?’ Loki’s eyes widened slightly at the question as Bucky immediately averted his eyes, panic setting in. ‘Uhh, forget I said anything. It’s nothing.’

Frowning, Loki pouted slightly and reached to place two fingers under his chin, lifting his head. ‘It’s quite alright. How can I be of assistance?’ They stared at each other, the moment suspended as stormy sea-green met steel blue. He broke the moment first, letting go off his chin, and looking away, missing the almost wistful way Bucky’s eyes had softened.

‘Hmm, yeah. Would you tell me a story? Your voice calms me and I wanted to draw while hearing your voice. It’s okay if you don’t want. No hard feelings if you don’t want to indulge in a silly mortal’s wishes.’ Bucky blurted out very quickly, his hands fisted by his side tightly, his long locks covering his expression. 

‘Take out your materials and we’ll begin,’ he smiled warmly at Bucky, a little surprised at his outburst, the comment warming him more than the run ever could. He quickly set down the bottle of water, as they ventured to a nice shady spot. Sitting down in front of him as he settled against a tree with his charcoal; he watched as he opened his sketchbook to a fresh page.

Taking a breath, he began. 

’This story is about a lie and the host that it infects. Before we begin, I want to ask you a question; Which would you rather be, a murderer or a liar? You can only choose one.’

Bucky thought hard, trying vehemently to not shudder as his voice slid over him; the soft crisp British tones light. ‘I have to choose between those two options?’

Loki chuckled softly and shook his head as he almost near melted. He could have listened to that sound for all eternity. He was strangely kind to him, though this was probably the longest they had ever held a conversation. Never treating him with pity; he was one person who seemed to understand the void he lived with.He had developed a sort of puppy crush on him since he chanced upon him training with his magic, causing several clones to appear and disappear. The sudden thought of kissing him, pressing him against the tree just to mess up the perfectly slicked back hair, even after all that running, rushed through him.

‘Don’t strain yourself. Tell me your answer after the story. This story is about a lie and the host that it infects. The host tells themselves every single day; they are fine. Everything is fine. Everything will work out eventually. The host lives a rather difficult life; but the true enemy isn’t the outside world; but the lie that has managed to worm itself into their life. Built from their insecurity, their anxiety, their depression. What is astounding is that, though it is evil and greedy; the host nurtures it, with the hope that one day it will grow tired and leave on its own.’

He paused; his gaze upwards as he watched a single leaf fall to the ground. The charcoal scratched lightly against the paper as Bucky hummed in response; anything to keep him going as his hand moved across the page. 

Without realising it, he began speaking in Norse, his voice deepening slightly as the echoes of the wold world rang in the distance as Loki continued on.

‘The host never realised that whenever the truth was revealed at any point of time in their lives, they would remark to themselves, ‘It’s funny how things turned out.’ They focused only on the words the lie would berate them about everyday.’

Bucky barely looked up at Loki, his fingers rubbing slightly to shade the image of the lie; an ugly parasite disfigured by it’s own delusions slithered around on the paper, the shades of grey almost shimmering under the shadows. An aura of magic slowly enveloped him; as lost in the story Loki weaved his spells causing a transparent curtain to fall over them. 

‘The host always believed they did not possess the strength to fight back. The first lie began like a soft mist warning of the impending fog nearing; sticking on to you the whole walk home before you realised you were soaking wet. Being just the first night, the host shrugged their shoulders not understanding the consequences, took a hot bath, and called it a night. The next night proved worse; till they fell very sick from the onslaught of lies.

By then, it had taken enough of a toll and the need to protect themselves, their life from the lies proved pertinent. It had grown too strong; too arrogant. Killing them wasn’t enough; lies had to be murdered.’ 

Bucky smiled softly to himself, a single tear rolling down his face as he realised where Loki was going with the story. The words had painted the picture as clear as day in front of him as he carefully highlighted his jawline before moving to his eyes. They were both hosts; but they understood what lies had done to them. Loki’s past was no mystery to him, but he had never admitted that he felt that nobody had asked him the right question. Never one to condemn him; knowing all too well what it was like to be manipulated; brainwashed.

‘The host had to be clever, inconspicuous and most important, absolutely sure regarding this assassination as if they tell lies to go now, they wouldn’t want to go. They would make sure they were a dying husk before moving on to greener pastures. The host had to stalk them, learn their methods, behaviours and then choose the right moment to strike.’

His voice wrapped tighter around him, engulfing him black velvet as the mystical quality of Old Norse continued weaving their magic. Also hypnotic; he saw Loki slink into the shadows; sipping at a glass of bourbon in an expensive armchair; in the apartment waiting for lies to come back.

He waited for the lights to flicker and brighten the room; though the light did nothing to hide the flash of fear run across lies’s face as the goopy tendrils seem to droop even further from his body as it sees him, waiting. Attempting a false voice of bravado, lies turned around, keeping busy by hanging up their coat so that they could will their hands to stop shaking. ‘I wasn’t expecting you back so soon,’ they would say, fumbling with the coat; dropping the keys, their hand quivering. 

Lies could feel the chill seep through their body as Loki made a non-non-committal sound. Slowly tapping his fingers on the side table next to him, he could hear the knot filled contraption called their heart hammering madly inside their chest, the way all villains do when they realise their end is staring at them. Opting out of the speech; he continued to tap as they kept glancing nervously at the door hoping for some sliver of hope. This was an assassination; no big speech needed.

‘Finally, accepting that there was no hope lies would look up at their host. ‘This should have happened a long time ago. You know it; I know it. Why delay the inevitable?’ The host would rise from the chair, declining politely as the lie offers them a drink in the hopes of stalling. The first step towards lies would be the first honest step the host has taken in years; and they would understand that while it seems dangerous even terrifying; this is the safest and best option for everyone. Except the lies.’

Bucky flexed his metal arm, the plates sliding and shifting; remembering the lie that Zula told him about how he was a gift to humanity from their side, as Loki wrapped his hands around the bulgy neck, watching the horror and terror burn in it’s deceitful eyes. Lies struggles, almost pitifully, never asking why. It doesn’t have to. 

He looks up from his drawing, running a finger across Loki’s trademark smirk when he realises he is staring into Loki’s beautiful eyes. Drowning into them; and he is no longer a burden. Shifting to sit next to him, their thighs flushed together; his gaze lingering on his lips, as he struggles to breathe. The spell broken, he continues in English again.

‘It was a lovely home; but they have the choice to burn it; or have someone new come and live. It would not matter as nobody would know that it was you. It only matters that the host understands to never let another lie seep it’s way into their home again; and then forced to nurture it. Murder those thoughts; before the seed gets the chance to be planted.

It is a necessity to murder lies. It does not mean that you can never believe in anything ever again. It means you do not ever give power to the bad thoughts. Blow them out like a candle. Everything will not always be fine, and that is okay.’

Finishing, he closed his eyes, the feeling of laying his soul bare too much to bear. They don’t speak till they reach the compound, and before he lost his courage Bucky reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. Loki felt he had finally sealed the deal.

***

He had grossly underestimated the situation. As Bucky continued speaking, he offered him a rather strained smile. Just when everything was going well, things had taken a turn for the worst.

Breathing in the unique scent of woods that was Bucky as he clutched one of his shirts in his hands, he came to the startling conclusion that he had competition. Thor had always stolen the glory; so it was shocking when it had been bumbling, nervous Banner who had suddenly taken all of his time; time that should have been spent with him. 

Bruce Banner. Also known for his alter-ego the Hulk. Loki despised him with all of his being; and it wasn’t easy considering Banner was genuinely an amazing guy, very kind and caring; and just as equally brilliant.

After their encounter that morning, Loki and Bucky has spent much time together; he reading as he drew. He had never ever shown him his drawing, simply telling Loki that he was too embarrassed and had burnt it. He had seen right through the lie, but decided to keep mum about it. His plan on making Bucky his was right on track when suddenly, he began spending a lot of time with Banner. 

After asking Stark who explained using ridiculously long technical words, he had a sinking feeling he was losing him. Unknown to him, everyone excluding Bucky had joined in on Thor’s plan to unite the two of them after Steve finally admitted that the attraction was mutual.

Each day that he blew him off so he could work with Banner on some secret project, had him screaming. Bucky was his. He knew that the moment he had laid eyes on him. What many mortals and even gods had attempted for eons; James Buchanan Barnes, had somehow broken through and managed to capture Loki’s eye. It had all blended into one confusing concoction; my mate, lover, friend, companion. He didn’t want a friendship.

He wanted a courtship. Wanted, nay, need his trust; his memories; his need for him, like he needed him.

When he had first learnt of Bucky spending hours and hours at Banner’s lab working on a top-secret project on his metal arm; it began as an itch. Then, he became mildly scary, scratching at his arm whenever he would look for him only to find out from Stark’s machine that he was together with Banner. 

Steve had quietly offered him an ice pack for his arm, mulling over the fact that Loki had become so disturbed, he spent nights scratching at his arm as he watched anime. Unfortunately, it only got worse when Bucky and Banner left for a week long field test, to test out the changes that had been made to his arm. 

Returning back, Bucky and Banner had deep scratches and several suspicious purple marks near their necks, and some on his collarbone. His lips were swollen, and there was a long gash running down one cheek. Their clothes were dirty and torn, as if they had just narrowly escaped a fight. 

Loki had stepped forward in concern; about to offer his magic for healing when Stark made a rather uncouth comment about them who was top and who was bottom. The jealously that filled him; as thoughts began to spring to mind as to how they spent one month alone together; Loki felt a huge stone drop on his chest. 

For Loki, it was in that moment that he had realised how much that one mortal; Bucky, meant to him, and he missed the quiet talks they shared together on their mutual love for books. He missed his company when they would climb up to the top of Stark Tower to enjoy the view together. Sometimes, Loki would write a short prose or read him some of the Norse poetry he had found in the library, and he would smile softly at him, urging him to continue.

Barely glancing at Banner, he had stalked past Bucky; his jealousy so high he could barely see as his despair could not be controlled. Lamenting and crying for days; he shut himself in his room, refusing to eat or sleep as he believed that there would never be anything but friendship between them, and he had probably ruined that too with his rude behaviour. Bucky had attempted to speak to him but he shouted at him, throwing a vase at the door. 

The guilt of what was happening ate at everyone, especially Thor as he wondered if he pushed Loki too hard. He only wanted his brother to be happy and it seemed he had done a right job of screwing that up. Steve and Natasha had yelled at stark for his comment till even he attempted to speak to the heartbroken god. It proved fruitless when there was no answer. 

Unable to take his brother’s grief, he decided to be honest with the soldier; witnessing him to be in a near similar state as Loki. To his credit, Bucky had listened with no interruption as Thor explained how he come across him making the pledge, how he had watched his brother’s fascination with him turn from obsession to love, and when he realised that it had not occured to Loki yet that he had fallen in love, he felt it his duty to step in.

That’s finally when Bucky smiled; and Thor had suddenly taken a step back at the almost maniacal look in his eyes, almost expecting him to suddenly stab him with one of the many knives he carried with him. 

***

Love; was a word Loki had never taken lightly, but also one he knew he was far from deserving. He was the God of Lies and Mischief. Love was not meant for the likes of him. It meant weakness to the Jotuns and being half frost giant had taught him to shield away from any weakness.

Yet, what he felt for the White Wolf, was exactly that. He saw himself as this supposed broken man with metal parts for an arm, and he was not wrong. He was broken, but also strong and kind. His courage to still fight back, stand when he had been ripped to shreds was why he was no longer the Winter Soldier but the White Wolf. Wise, resilient, silent; part of something yet lone in his world, seeking for a goal. Today, a new life had filled that shell of a man and he loved every part of him. 

Bucky was not good with words, so he did what he did best. He sent Loki a new sketch everyday about having a drink with him till he finally opened the door to ask him to stop. It had taken another month before after constantly declining his offer before he finally agreed to see him.

It had taken everything in Loki to not sneer at the bar that Bucky had chosen, knowing that this was olive branch. He had stepped in, and forgotten how to breathe. Wearing a pair of jeans that appeared like it had been painted on the muscular man’s legs and ass, he paired it with a simple white shirt with a v-neck deep enough to allow golden, firm skin appear. Struggling not to drool, his eyes lingered on the black leather jacket moulding to him like second skin, and his restraint snapped. 

Before he could understand what he was doing, he was towering over the seated man, running his hand into the messy bun he had pulled earlier, messing it up further as he bore him down in a heated kiss that practically set the entire establishment on fire.

‘Took you long enough to stop sulking,’ Bucky cleared his throat, panting slightly as he downed under shot next to him. Loki’s hand still in his hair, he nuzzled his arm as he came down for a second searing kiss.

After Loki allowed him to breathe again, he continued,’ Was wondering when you would finally get the courage. Thought we may have to kidnap you to make this happen.’

Signalling the bartender for more shots, he turned to face Loki who was trying to fight a smile off his face but failed rather miserably. Sitting down next to his love, he reached over to slam three of his shots, the buzz of the alcohol allowing him to speak more freely.

‘How did you figure out I’m in love with you? It was Thor wasn’t it. Of course.’ Waggling his eyebrows, he continued doing more shots.

Bucky stared at him in amazement, having never heard him speak so normally before. ‘Yeah, they felt bad for teasing you with Bruce and I. There’s nothing between us. It was all just to get you to confess…’

*2 hours later*

‘Uhh, Loki, maybe we should get you home. I think you’ve had enough shots for one night.’ Grabbing him and dropping one arm over his shoulder, Bucky started walking the very drunk god towards the door.

Once outside, he suddenly retched, clearing the contents of his stomach as Bucky stroked and patted his back. ‘You know, I had this amazing, like really ahmazing dream, that I got to kiss my love. But, I can never be with a mortal. It’s not becoming of a king.’

Bucky stiffened at his words. This had been a mistake. Maybe Loki really did have feelings for him, but this could never be. The only way to get through this and face everyone including him the next day would be to act like nothing happened. Swallowing back the lump of tears that formed at his throat, he continued patting his back as his heart slowly broke. 


End file.
